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The Wonderfull World of Pax - Athexx :: Unknown :: Disclaimer : If you think this story is insulting in any way to any of the characters in it then you are not fit to read this story. Or if you are offended by this story. :p It's a joke, ok? Pax had only two words cycling through his mind, as usual : Relic, pr0n, Relic, pr0n, Relic, pr0n ... and so on. In his quest for his daily fix for the perfect combination of the two words, (Relic pr0n of course!) his adventures had included surfing the web for pr0n continuously all day, surfing the web for Relic information all day, and even tangents as obscure as playing the beta for the offspring of the Holy Company, called "Homeworld" by the uninspired masses. And these masses actually thought RelicNews was a site dedicated to Homeworld! But today was different. Pax, who was almost thrown off by the Protectors' evil plot to release a second beta knew that today he could sit in front of his conputer no longer. "The Protectors?" you may ask... Oh yes, Pax knew that the Secretive "Protectors of the Gardens" weren't actually a race in Homeworld as the public thinks; he had realized long ago that they were actually the Protectors of ALEX Garden, a sort of secret service to keep the enlightened few from ever contacting anyone from Relic! The result of messing with the Protectors was immediate termination, or, barring that, what was known as "slartination" : the removal of all temper control and sanity, so that the victim becomes what would seem to be an insane maniac and beyond belief. But Pax had a plan. And this "second" beta would provide the perfect cover! He posted on Relic News, in addition to some obscure uses of mayonnaise, an invitation. The invitation was actually more of a challenge, to Alex Garden himself, to a game of Homeworld, on two weeks after he recieved the beta. The Cookie God shall reign again! The Protector of the Gardens known as FRF8 intercepted a message. Normally he would not even bother with the silly messages he caught, likely between kids on the internet who innocently looked up pr0n and sent each other pics and so on, but this was different. Its sender was the enigma known only as Pax, an amateur who somehow came to be obsessed, however disgustingly, with somehow finding pr0n of the Protectors' ultimate superior, Master Garden. FRF8 had been on the tail of this Pax creature for several months now, only the second person to ever pose a threat to Master Garden. The message was addressed to Pike, the more docile and completely boring virtual twin of Pax. To FRF8's horror, it asked Pike to play for Pax in the game Pax challenged Master Garden to. If Pike would be playing Alex, what could Pax possibly be thinking of doing? This was definitely beyond the realm of normal obsessive behavior, and action had to be taken immediately! This was what FRF8 had been trained his whole life for. When he first arrived on the forbidden planet he had chosen a random spot, not too far from the Garden's residence, and established his 'net identities for the protection of Master Garden. He hadn't even had a real challenge lately, just look at his last achievement, Zoomer ... Zoomer was once a little fly buzzing around the Homeworld community, barely bothering anyone or attracting any attention, but it was FRF8's duty to check out everyone who ever knew of Alex Garden, and the background information he pulled up on this inconspicuous Homeworld fan was disturbing indeed. Zoomer's online activity from years ago was traced to some gaming webpages, where he had leaked information concerning alien technology, and the planet-based company Westwood decided to incorporate it in their newest game. The action FRF8 had to take was obvious, and although a blatant use of his mental powers was needed, it was unavoidable. FRF8 placed Westwood Studios in a casualty-circle, the simple name for a time defying field that disabled its victims from ever making progress, in their lives, in their work, or even in their aging. While it's true that eventually suspicions may arouse when no one working there dies, the Gardens' plans would be long since accomplished, and Tiberian Sun would not interfere. Zoomer was even simpler : since he knew so little of the actual information involving Master Garden's Project, codenamed for the public "NSP", all FRF8 had to do was alter Zoomer's emotional makeup so that the feeling of hope was no longer possible. Ever since April, Zoomer had been so hopeless that he had become a Prophet of Pessimism and forgot completely the information he knew. Slartinity was hardly needed.   Pax had a man on the inside. After disappearing from his home, he made the drive to Vancouver and parked in front of the house of Shane Alfreds, a.k.a. Rupract, the SpankMaster3000, Android incarnation of the Cookie God. SM3k had been built two years ago to be Pax's own spy into the life of Alex Garden, all the way back when Pax had first been turned on by the mere name. Oh sure, he only started work on the website late last year, but that was because it was only then that he dared to publicly acknowlege his interest, disguised to be in the game itself. Pax had designed SM3k to be his personal spy, giving him an intricate sense of sound and a thourough understanding of its composition, which may be how he ended up as the sound programmer for Relic itself. SM3k opened the door for his Maker and gave him the appropriate greeting spank. The plotting was to begin!   It was more than FRF8 could handle alone. He called on his partner S-(H, (the closest representation of his name on ascii characters) who had been tracking recent movements of the oddity known as CableCow, who in fact had been sending coded messages to Pax recently. After meeting up at their rendezvous point at Vancouver, S-(H showed FRF8 printouts of the encoded messages. Some of it was plain english, but the important parts were unintellible, although letter combinations closely resembled english. S-(H was quick to show that he had found in the readable portion that CableCow was on vacation, but he had been able to figure out no more. FRF8 decided to attend to the matter at hand first. Pax must be somewhere on the premises, for Vancouver was the unofficial Gardens, and even if Pax was only after a crazy obsession and didn't know the real secret behind Relic, he was bound to come to the city where Relic was based. Checking with SM3k was the next logical jump; even though Pax had built it, it was FRF8's subtle influences in Pax's mind that gave him the insight to build something no other forbidden world native had seen. It was FRF8 that supplied the influence, but S-(H who made the android, once isolated, the true servant of the Protectors, and only maintained to be loyal to Pax. And by what it was telling FRF8 now, the effort was very much worth it. "I have him with me now. I gave him my spare bedroom, masters. Although I question what you will do with him I will turn him over to you now if you wish it, masters." "You question us? What for? He is a threat to the Gardens and what is more he can be terminated without repercussions if done quietly." "I have an affinity for him, being my maker. I have even grown to like the spankings I give him. Is there no way he can be kept alive?" "Slartination is possible, but may not be secure. Pax is a nutcase, and in fact slartination might even make it worse" "Slartination would ensure that he couldn't possibly get physically near Alex at least, and that's our only danger isn't it? A madman wandering the streets wouldn't possibly get into the Relic building!" "Your point is taken... He is walking into a trap anyway." He finished the slartinization process he had begun earlier in the night. "Pax is .... slartinized!"   The next day was the day before the match, and Pax woke up that afternoon with such a furious desire for Relic that he could stand the waiting no longer. He would have to spy on the Holy Ones that day to satisfy the craving he had, which had seemed to intensify tenfold overnight! Quickly he ran to SM3k's computer and downloaded pics of his favorite pr0n stars, then copy pasted quick scans of the more enticing Relic employees' faces onto the pr0n faces... perfect spoogability, even if the bodies on it weren't authentic! After an hour, he ran out of juice, but was still unsatisfied even with SM3k joining in, so he took several printouts of his pseudo-Relic pics and hopped in the Spankmaster's car as he drove off to work.   FRF8 figured it out. CableCow had been using a french keyboard and although several letters were switched on it, the sneaky bastard was deliberately typing as he would on a normal English one. Translated, CC's message read :   Heya Pax, I'm on vacation now, but I'll be back for our little "expedition" ok? I have the special cameras you wanted too - you're gonna really like these pics! Let's hope we can get these guys in some great positions, and hey, maybe being the loyal fans that we are, Relic will let us join in their orgy! Everyone knows they haven't done any work since they made the patch for the last beta :p   S-(H took one look at it and knew it was faked. Not that he doubted CableCow wrote it, the touch of slight madness was definitely there, but it seemed as if CableCow was almost manipulating Pax! S-(H pulled up the biography he had traced from CableCow. In High School now, CableCow seemed to have lived in Nova Scotia all his life. S-(H had records tracing back to late elementary school, but before then he was a mystery. FRF8, in light of the recent situation, was suspicious. Could CableCow have been an agent of an Earth-based organization? Unlikely... but the alternatives were much worse... a renegade Protector? FRF8 hadn't heard of such a thing... A Protector in such a disguise that the rest of the organization wasn't informed? Equally unlikely. What else was there?   Pax, laying down on a hill outside Relic Headquarters, got his Pax Brand pr0n-izing binoculars and some of the pics he made earlier. There were three windows with a clear line-of-sight but the rest of the open windows were covered by nearby trees. Pax could just make out the face of Bryce "Rasolf" Pasechnik at a console through the leftmost window. "Oh Rassie-pooh! Now I know why all the other Relic Gods call you that! Come to me Rassie-pooh!", Pax murmured as he stared back and forth between his pseudo-pic of Rasolf and the real Rasolf through the window, tring to imagine the picture superimposed on the person. Pax felt the familiar sensation gripping him once again, giving him relief of the kind he hadn't felt in the close-to hour since he left SM3k's house! But then.... Pax zipped up his pants quickly as he heard a noise behind him. Turning around, someone was standing at his feet. "Who are you?" Pax asked. He was shocked that someone would dare interrupt the rituals of the Cookie God. "I am Nayan Ramachandran." "Nayan Rama-who?" "Perhaps you would know me better under another name. I am Alex Garden's personal assassin, imported all the way from southern India. You would know me as eXodus" "eXodus! Go away dammit, can't you see I'm trying to spooge here? If you traced me for my master pr0n collection I'll show you that later, but I'm busy now!" "No Pax. You must leave. Now. Alex knows of your evil schemes and if you don't leave now I'd be perfectly willing to kill you. And I must confess I have a side motive - without you, RelicNews will certainly flop and the Guidestone will be quick to steal its hits! So leave now!" As he was talking, eXodus pulled out a weapon with each hand, a knife in his right and a small pistol with his left. "Never!" said Pax, "I will fight to the death. The Guidestone knows nothing of the Holy Employees of Relic, nor you ever steal my spot! No one disturbs the Cookie God!" And with that, eXodus fired the gun.   S-(H was stubborn and he acted on it. Unable to be convinced that Pax served any use slartinized, it was he that ordered the termination of the creature by his favorite assassin. Oh, sure, he'd have to explain the matter to FRF8, but he was weakminded anyway and would soon see his views. After all, it was S-(H who knew from the beginning that CableCow was the important one, not this maniac Pax, and surely FRF8 saw that now. While Pax posed no immediate danger, he was a direct link to the Mad Cow and S-(H was sure that CC had been taking advatage of Pax's obsession. The Slartination approach that FRF8 had preffered was already proved to be useless; Pax had clearly shown with the events of the afternoon that he had been more obsessed and more determined than ever. With Pax now dead, Or wait! S-(H still sensed mental activity in Pax! Pax arose from the slump he was lying in and found himself in the trunk of a car. Unable to move freely, he felt the familiar desire for even more Relic pr0n sweep over him again.. but with him unable move more than a few inches in any direction he somehow overcame his urgings and considered the situation. The bastard eXodus was surely taking him somewhere to get rid of his body ... but wait, wasn't he supposed to be dead? Pax felt for the bullet hole, near his heart, throbbing both with the desire to see the window he was looking again and with the intensity of the situation. The thought crossed his mind - Danger is very arousing. Now if only he could get some good whacking material - no, wait, he had to concentrate. The bullet was ... still there, in front of his chest, but what was this? Pax felt a piece of paper behind it. Pulling it out he became aware that he had put this Special printout there earlier in the day, a pic of Alex Garden's face on the body of one of his most favorite gay pr0n models! Keeping Alex next to his heart had saved his life! Ah, he thought, pr0n is truly rewarding - in every possible way. When eXodus opened the trunk, he reached in to pull out the body and lurched back in shock. Pax, alive? "Pax! How ... how could you possibly be alive!?" "Pr0n conquers all man. See this Relic-icious pic here? See the bullet mark on the pic? Good pr0n is impermeable pr0n... and this is the highest quality pr0n you can find anywhere" "That's impossi-" eXodus glanced at the pic, "What!?" He stared, becoming hypnotized by the grace and beauty depicted in the picture, "Oh ... my .. god. Pax, Pax! This is soo ... good, I can't describe it, how can you bear it?" "Just whip it out and let it go! I would never have thought it, but you are the second person on this world to truly become... enlightened!" He couldn't resist. eXodus did as Pax said and the two of them together soaked up the road. eXodus, like Pax, was enlightened. "Pax, I don't know how I could have killed you before you showed me the meaning of life here, I swear to you I will never attempt harm your sacred body again." "No. It is not my body that is sacred, but that of the Gods of Relic, whose idols we have worshipped just now. Come back with me eXodus my partner and we'll go back to Relic-" "Back to Relic? No, there is a much better way. Let me take you to meet my commander FRF8 and if together we can enlighten him, we can get into the Relic "fun", and believe me, if it's half as good as I've heard, it's more than you could even dream about!" As much as Pax was attracted by the offer, there was one flaw. "Well I dunno, I can dream of a whole lot. Believe me..." He shugged and decided if it was nearly as good as what he could dream it would still be more than anything he had experienced yet. And off they went.   FRF8 waited for Pax and eXodus in the corner of his rented home. How fortunate it was that S-(H had shared what he had done - or what he had thought he had done - before it was too late. For if he had hesitated any longer FRF8 wouldn't have had the time it took to influence eXodus to bring Pax. And it certainly took time - the so called "enlightened" minds had a very stubborn resistance and strong will, and FRF8 had been wondering increasingly lately if such a mind had its advantages, even if its sole purpose was to find the ultimate pr0n fix. At least the minds were only human. Pax and eXodus entered without knocking and eXodus led Pax to the living room. "What?" Pax spoke up. "Fireflight? What are you doing here? With me on, err, vacation, you and Pike are in charge of the news!" "Fireflight? Yes, the name you are used to. My real name is FRF8 and I am a Protector of the Gardens. I'm sure you see that using such a name on this planet, even on the 'net would be quite unusual." "Protector of the Gardens!? eXodus, you sold me out! How could the pr0n not have affected you?" "It did! Shut up and show him your pics, remember? Enlighten him!" eXodus whispered harshly. And with that, FRF8 replied "Pics? Oh, I'm afraid no matter what this 'enlightenment' is I'm very much immune to it. For you see, I am not a member of your species."   FRF8 continued "I am from a planet from the edge of this galaxy -" Pax's mind began to wander. An alien, eh? But he looked so human... must be a diguise. What kinda pr0n do these aliens have? That's gotta be interesting, alien pr0n! Pax stared at FRF8's crotch as he continued to talk. "- that you must have, though your following of Relic, come to know as Kharak." eXodus cut in, "So you are a Kushan, then!" "No, Wait! Let me tell my story. You may also have come to know that the Kushan dwelled in exile on Kharak after their pitiful defeat at Hiigara. I myself am not a Kushan, but I am of the original inhabitants of the planet, the Tiikna, the real Protectors of the Gardens. But, the Gardens are not a place as you may think; the Gardens is the bloodline of the ruling class of the Tiikna. Alex Garden is a distant descendent of the Da-Tiikna, the once-emperor, our ruler before the Taiidan left our world bare. His brother though, O his great-jarda, older brother, who commands our fleets above as Alex controls this propaganda mission here on the Forbidden Planet, has the plan. And you Pax, You, are disturbing us with your obsessions to see skin of a people that are not even human." Throughout FRF8's little speech Pax had been imagining up what a Kushan would look like without the human disguise. Kushan pr0n! Pax HAD to have it! Growing restless watching FRF8 just sit in one spot, Pax finally began to listen in at the end. "If pr0n is disturbing I can't imagine what you could consider civilized!" Pax rebuked. eXodus piped in, "It's true! I would never have thought it but pr0n rocks the casbah, not the Garden's little NSP." Pax stood up. "Give in to your desires FRF8, even if you refuse to be aroused by these Relic Gods we can find you the Ultimate Kushan pr0n and Alex forbid it but I'd be first in line to give some good alien-ish pr0n a test whack or two!" But FRF8 merely chuckled and said, "Sit back down. Maybe we can convince you otherwise. For your son-" "My Son!?" "His Son!?" eXodus and Pax exclaimed simultaneously. "I have no son, that's ridiculous! You don't know me at all... keepin' a bitch takes too much work, singleplayer is where it's at!" "Oh I know you too well Pax," FRF8 said, "Did you really think that with all the, well, "spooging" everywhere in your house a woman could enter and leave without being impregnated?" "You gotta admit that's likely Pax," said eXodus. "That stuff covers your walls two inches thick, not to mention the foot on the floor. Believe me, I've seen photos - for when I was still trying to kill you of course." "So I have a son. Wait, just when in my 33 years of life was he born even? I've been spooging around since I was .. 14!" "Yes Pax, he was born 19 years ago to some poor woman who entered your bedroom." Pax silently thanked himself for never letting his mother in his room, no matter how sexy she tried to be. So who was the kid's mother? Ah, it didn't matter... "And Pax, he's now-" "-dead," cut in S-(H. Only then did eXodus and Pax turn around, noticing for the first time that S-(H was in the room.   FRF8 shot a questioning glance at S-(H, but continued to introduce his collegue. "This, Pax, is S-(H, my partner as a Protector." Pax looked at S-(H, aware of the word "partner" and wondering how much of a partner he was, and tried to picture how the aliens he had conjured up would pair up. Would they have two sexes or more, and if more, would it be that many times more fun? Nah, he thought, then that would certainly contradict the pr0n postulate that only one is needed. So what would this pr0n be like? Could you have 3 different genders in some pics that were designed for a fourth gender? Pax got lost in the exponential amount of ecstasy he imagined and forgot the implication that his son was dead. "Call me SageMadHatter if S-(H is more than your human tongues can produce, but my statement is the same. Pax, you son was killed two years ago by - by Space Vader. I believe you know of him." Pax, still imagining the possibilities of multi-gender pr0n, only murmured "Imperialist Bastard" involuntarily as a reaction to the name. "Yes, but Space Vader is far more than his identity on Earth tells you. His full title is Space Vader, Dark Lord of the Kiith (Diith for short), and he is a very unusual identity. Many of us, including my partner FRF8 here, haven't been told much about him, yet." "So I take it you have .... ?" eXodus, more alert than Pax, took the responsibility of being curious for both of them. "Space Vader was a genetic experiment of Alex's Brother Garden to intermesh the human appearance with Kushan, and more secretly, Tiikna minds. Diith Space Vader was more successful than the jarda-brother could have imagined, though, and united the Kiithid for the third time in history. The first was the era before the coming of the Taiidans, which ended in the loss of Hiigara. The second was the brief time between the global - or actually Kharak-wide acceptance of the Xenogenesis Theory and our Second Defeat at the Taiidan's hands. The Third is now, and Diith Vader used the political chaos to take him to the top. He uses the self styled title the Dark Lord of the Kiith because there are no longer individual Kiithid, just one Kiith standing against the other Kiithid of species in this galaxy. But Space Vader is human, or at least so appears outwardly. He, only he, does not have to wear these masks or filter the air. But one day we will all be like him, and when that day comes -" "NEVER!" eXodus stood up and charged S-(H. Pax woke up for the second day in a row in the guest room of the Spankmaster, with no knowledge of the previous day. What was he doing here? Why had he abandoned his home, his job, and his duties? And how on earth did he get to Shane Alfred's house? Shane Alfreds ... come to think of it, who was he anyway? Had he been drunk? That must be it, he decided. He must have gotten so drunk all memory from the past few days were wiped off. He looked around. The room was digustingly messy. Clothes tossed everwhere, dust and grime covering the place, and by the looks of it, someone had been flogging the dolphin off in a corner and not cleaned up .... Pax recoiled in horror - in his drunken stupor, could it have been him? No, not even then would he have dared - Pax had very strict morals, as far as he could remember. He still couldn't believe he had gotten so drunk. His head was throbbing. It even sounded like something in there was saying something, over and over - r0n, r0n, r0n, ... Who was this Ron? Pax felt ashamed of himself and vowed never again to drink more than 3 cans of beer ... or was it beer? What was it that got him drunk? Another blank. Pax was heading out the door, when he heard eXodus call out "Tom!" "Nayan? What are you doing here?" "I was about to ask you the same thing, Tom..." Pax felt something was wrong. "What did you call me?" "Tom. Your name, right? Come to think of it, how do I know that? When did we meet?" Oh, right, my name is Tom, isn't it, Pax thought. For some reason it sounded odd though. As if he should have been called something else. But Tom had no other names... Pax was puzzled. He vaguely remembered someone named Nayan, but at the same time, thought that Nayan wouldn't be the right thing to call him. "I think ... I think we met sometime yesterday. But I'm sorry I don't remember you either. The last few days are a total blank." "Same thing here, Tom. I guess we must have done some crazy stuff yesterday. Now I think I had really better get out of here, I'm gonna have a lot of explaining to do to my friends back home." "Yeah, well, bye. I was just going out the door myself." Pax paused. "Hold on a sec - is your head throbbing as much as mine is?" eXodus sheepishly admitted, "Well actually, I don't know about throbbing, but I can't get these pictures out of my head. You - you don't want to hear about it" "Pictures? What kind of pictures?" "I ... can't believe it, I just have this image of a bunch of wierd looking programmers posing in the ... nude .." Pax was shocked. Shocked but, slightly interested. He had never looked at any lewd pictures before, never allowed himself to go to a movie rated anything over PG (editor's note : or the Canadian equivalent) and as a result he didn't know what to expect. It was the ultimate mystery to him. "Why, have you seen any pictures like this, around the house or something?" "That's the funny thing, I was half expecting to find some. But I dunno, I don't think my mind's working properly right now." If this "Nayan" would leave, Pax thought, maybe he could just take a peek at some pictures like that on the internet on this Shane Alfred guy's computer. Pax had heard stories about pictures like the ones he was thinking of being available on the internet, and he thought, maybe with some hard searching he could find one or two. After Nayan left, Pax went to Shane Alfred's computer. He had never really used one of these things, not that he remembered, and sat there wondering how to get it to work. On the keyboard, Pax hit the "o" button, followed by the "n" .... nothing. Maybe "p" "o" "w" "e" "r"? No... There was a button on the TV in front of him. He pushed the button, and a little light came on next to it, but the screen was all blank. Ah, maybe now I can use it. He typed "internet". Nothing. Maybe you had to ask it for something. "can i have pictures" This was frustrating! Ok, maybe he had to be more specific. "i need dirty pictures please please". Ugh. Nothing. With all this high technology these days, couldn't they have made computers easier to use? He almost kicked the wall in frustration, but his foot his some kind of white rectangular plastic box on the ground. Hmm, what was this? At the top of the box it said "32X MAX" and there were a few little buttons there. He tried pushing one. All of a sudden, a little compartment came out of the box and there was a CD in it - and the CD said "HOMEWORLD" Homeworld? Homeworld! Something clicked. A few memories rushed back to Pax. This guy whose house he was in was an employee of Relic, and Relic made this game called "Homeworld" ... hmmm ... interesting ... Pax tried to remember more, but hit a blank. He tried another button on the box, the biggest one there. All of a sudden, the white TV in front of him came to life. There were words on it, and it was going really fast, then all of a sudden the Windows splash screen came up - Rupract's custom splash screen, a pic of him spanking Pax! Something connected in Pax's mind. eXodus was almost home when the call came on his cell phone. "eXodus! Don't go home!" eXodus? Something clicked for him now. "Tom? Err, wait, I should call you Pax, right?" "eXodus! Don't you remember? pr0n, pr0n, PR0N! Relic Pr0n!" And eXodus's memory came flooding back once again. He made a sharp U-turn, while on the phone, the two of them chuckled. FRF8 and S-(H really thought they could make these two enlightened humans forget about pr0n! Who cares about them being Tiikna and having all kinds of funky powers, everyone knows once you're onto pr0n you never go back! Hah! Undisturbed by the events of the previous day, Pax and eXodus resumed their plotting. The fact that they were after Tiikna pr0n made it even more exciting. They met at the parking lot by the Relic building, just in time to see Erin Daly come back from his lunch break. eXodus wondered, was Erin in the conspiracy too? Were all the Relic employees, with the notable exception of SM3k, Tiikna? Or were some of them mere Earth programmers, sucked into the program by a mere job? Pax on the other hand was more concerned with wondering if Erin wore boxers or breifs or none at all to be concerned with such trivial matters. Walking from his car, Erin was lost in thought. Would God's Eye off discourage Gravwell usage by restricting early game strike craft usage? Would that merely stop strike craft usage early game by lack of recon and strike craft usage late game with the well and field frigates? Arg! All these discussions on the Relic.com forums were taking so much of his time! What if he just gave scouts 5 billion hitpoints and screwed all this "balance" stuff he was being paid for? It's not too late to turn Homeworld back into the Space Combat sim it was initially planned to be! He didn't notice Pax and eXodus sneak up behind him, and he barely realized what was happening when they shoved him off into eXodus's car. "What the?" "Hey Erin, I'm Pax, this is eXodus here. We've come for a little, 'fun'", Pax grinned. "First of all, are you 'in'? Are you a Tiikna? Do you know about them?" Erin was flabbergasted. "I can clear this up -" "Heh. This isn't the forums Erin, you can't use that generic 'I can clear this up' response on us! Pax and I will not be thrown off by that." Erin found great difficulty to initiate a response without his usual "I can clear this up" lead in, but somehow he found the strength. "Ok ok! I'm human, k? I know about them, actually I was at Relic for a year before they told us the truth, but it was too late to back out then. What in the world are you after, Pax, eXodus?" "We'll tell you in a minute. So who's Tiikna, who's Human, and who's still in the dark?" "I can clear thi- Oops... Ok, I dunno why I'm telling you this, but the only Tiikna are Alex, Quinn Duffy, Erin Olorenshaw, Curtis Terry and Adam Bullied. Most of the rest of us 'know', but not Drew Dunlop, he was just an intern last summer and we still haven't bothered telling him the news. How the hell did you get to know so much anyway?" "That's not important. What matters is pr0n baby!"