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Outside - The Reflection
:: 01-01-31 ::
Chapter 6: Grief for the Past
Personal Log 17.71 AHL
The Beastslayer’s progress is well. The trans-hyperdrive will allow entry into normal hyperspace, as predicted. Entry into higher spaces, though, is far more complex. We do not know what exactly the ship’s waveform should be, nor is there much empirical data. In time, I should be able to solve the wave equation - and in fact I have many ideas already on how to do this. Over the next several days, the answer should appear.
At present, I have reconstructed the Naggarok’s trans-hyperspace entry mathematically and I believe that the Beastslayer’s own hyperdrive can reproduce it. The team is working on this approach, as I work on other ways to use trans-hyperdrive. I have doubts, though. What I have found about trans-hyperspace is that the spacing in energy between each level of space decreases with each higher level - so there is a reachable infinitely high hyperspace - like the infinitely high energy level in an atom. However, the Naggarok’s energy requirement seems too high…it is as if it is going beyond all levels of hyperspace. None of the others know it, but we are dealing with something far more powerful than we thought.
Then there is life outside of work…
My dreams have been haunting, strange. Someone always wants me to do something. The Universe is always falling apart, and it will be completely destroyed unless I do something - lock a door. But it is tempting to step onto the other side…Datlai-she’s always there, trying to keep me here, trying to reverse my decision to live alone. And, in wakefulness I am her friend once again.
Why is this happening?
This cannot go on. I need to understand everything, before it destroys me.
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[Notes: Check with notes from Kharak about trans-hyperspace. Also, try extrapolations of the Naggarok’s hyperdrive. Search for records on derelict ships - may come across something
Rest tonight.
Talk to Datlai. Soon.]
Tasiin Limandatt
Trans-hyperdrive Specialist
*****
“Tasiin,” Datlai said, sitting near where he would have. In truth, this made it easier for him, forcing him to speak with her. She reached out to him, her hand over his heart. Immediately, though, she felt him touch similarly apprehensively, weakly. They greeted each other.
“Why do I feel that you come here in sadness?” she asked, looking at him.
“Perhaps because I come in sadness.”
“You still are a part of our kiith’s spirit. Tasiin, what troubles you?”
He hesitated. I cannot do this. What am I doing? Why…
Tasiin knew it was too late to back out now.
“The…the dream I had a few days ago, when I…injured myself…it was just one nightmare…although the worst…except…” Tasiin began.
Datlai simply waited.
“Do you remember your Dream as a Sleeper on the Mothership?”
“Yes,” she sighed, looking into the distance with a slight smile. “I was on a long journey to a mythical paradise. The things that I saw were amazing…When I reached it, it was different than I thought it would be, but it had its own reasons that made it paradise…”
“I saw Kharak burn.”
Datlai turned around to face him, completely shocked.
“I watched the Scaffold, the satellites, the interplanetary outposts, the planet itself all fall prey to the Taiidan, the Imperialists. Yet, I did not feel anything.”
“Tasiin,” she said, but then found no other words to say.
“Then, then I saw empires fall apart the Galaxy. And there was a…cancer eating away at everything.”
“The Beast.”
“Yes. And there was something that I could control - a doorway. Some wanted me to see what was on the other side - and others wanted me to lock it forever. Ever since, I came here, I always have had to make the same decision in my sleep. It is tormenting - I must decide the fate of everything, but I don’t want to. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” she replied, unnaturally calm.
“This is going to be harder to say…but you have been in my dreams recently. Always the one keeping me here. Always…trying to pull me back from…my decision on Kharak.”
Datlai said nothing. There was a saddened expression on here face, but still she did nothing. How she was holding herself back was a mystery to Tasiin. Still, he did not expect her to forgive him for what he was to say next.
“The Universe seemed daunting then. The way my work on hyperspace was ignored because of the size and nature of the kiith, the large kiithid’s hypocrisy by claiming we were all one large kiith of Kushan. I did not want to be part of it anymore - I wanted to be alone. And then there was…I thought you wouldn’t need me if… Dillat…”
“Please,” Datlai said. “For the soul of Sajuuk, do not tell me you fell to something as childish as jealousy.”
Tasiin did not answer.
“Dillat…” she began. Again, she maintained a placated reply, but underneath there was not calmness. Instead, there was a melancholy undercurrent, a sadness, a grief, a desire to be alone. Tasiin recognized it as a reflection of himself. “Dillat, just before we underwent the Sleeping, joined Kiith Manaan. He made it to Hiigara, and we remained friends…until the war with the Beast. He was assigned at the time to a carrier named the Caal-Shto.
“The Caal-Shto?” asked Tasiin.
“It encountered the Kuun-Lan and was on its way back to Hiigara when it was distracted by a small Beast fleet. In the battle, the Beast mothership arrived and attacked the Caal-Shto. In that time, the Naar directive had not been invented. The Caal-Shto was lost to the Beast.”
Tasiin did not know what to say. He could not apologize, not the way the conversation was unfolding. However, he could not back out now.
“I do not know what to say,” he began. Tasiin could feel himself begin to shake. He looked to Datlai. Her face betrayed her sadness; her eyes glistened with tears.
“If you are asking me to forget, I cannot,” Datlai said. “If you are asking me to forgive, though, I already have, Tasiin.”
“Why? I do not think I deserve your forgiveness.”
“Why? Because I am sure that you have feelings. I am sure that you have gone through as much as I have.” Datlai’s voice suddenly turned from sadness to anger, something that Tasiin found disturbing. “I am sure that you are an actual person under that Kharak-forsaken aloof mask you wear!” Datlai began to cry.
“I…I thought you forga-“
“You seem to want this! You want to punish yourself. I want to move on with my - our lives. Do you want penance or forgiveness?”
Tasiin joined her in her crying. He ignored the others who were watching; he ignored the listening Bentusi visible in the window.
It would be a few minutes before they looked at each other again. When they did it was hesitantly. There was still an awkward silence between them.
“Perhaps the true test of friendship is being in sadness together,” Datlai finally said.
“Let us build upon whatever is left,” Tasiin agreed.
*****
“Dolann Kaalel, report to station command!” Thenar Soban’s voice came across the station’s message system.
“What is it?” Kaalel asked, running into Galactic Shipyard 0’s command deck.
“Hyperspace signatures all around us,” Soban said. “They are Imperialists and Raiders. Our secret is out.”
“How many ships?”
A Taiidan answered.
“Nineteen carriers, twenty cruisers, forty destroyers, and over a hundred frigates. They are all closing in on us.”
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