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Outside - The Reflection
:: 01-01-31 ::
Chapter 15: Unbound
Personal log 17.76 AHL
Tasiin will be Unbound.
I wish I could say more. I wish I could be glad for him. I know Tasiin suffers…why is it that doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing to do?
Outside also troubles me. I am certain Tasiin will be the one going Outside. The others are planning an expedition, even a final battle, with Outside, and he is the only one who stands a chance of surviving that. And, I am certain Outside wants to destroy him. But, for the good of the Universe, he must go there.
The Bentusi assure me he will still be…a friend. I wish they would speak to me now. I wish Tasiin did not have to go through this. I wish Outside never existed. Sometimes I even wish we were back on Kharak.
Tasiin, I know this is for the best. I know there are so many who depend on you. But I still wish that you could tell me about one more star.
Datlai Limandatt
*****
Tasiin Limandatt’sa sat in the captain’s chair on the bridge of the Beastslayer. Hastily positioned on the floor around him were interfaces to the main computer of the Beastslayer. Wires led from the interfaces to various consoles on the bridge.
A doctor held a cable attached to a large plate, which curved to fit Tasiin’s skull. “This will be the main interface. It is place on the neck and the back of the head, where it connects to the neurons in the brain, indirectly. The Bentusi have found a way to influence those neurons without physical contact, although we are not quite sure how. We must trust them in that respect. The cable then splits and connects with the two main interface boxes, which in turn connect to the secondary interfaces and then the ship’s computer.”
“The Bentusi demonstrated it for us. We have recordings and instructions to help us,” a Taiidan cybernetic specialist added. “Because the link is not directly between your nervous system and the wires leading to the ship’s computer, we could not use much experience from your Karan Sjet nor from the emperor. However, the Bentusi designed the interface to be simple. The link should take only a few minutes to implement.”
“You saw the Bentusi?” Tasiin asked weakly.
“Yes,” the Taiidan admitted. “They are…not very different than us. They did descend from the Naggarok launchers like us. Some things were…but…”
Tasiin merely nodded in reply.
“The interface itself may be simple, however there are a few other issues that will need to be resolved,” the doctor said. “For example, we will need to inject food intravenously periodically. In addition, we want to make sure the ship’s vital functions - as well as your own - operate if you become unconscious for any reason. Because of this, we will be injecting anesthetic and keeping you in an unconscious state for some time. Are you ready to begin?”
“Almost,” Tasiin responded. “Where is Datlai?”
“In the corridor,” an assistant replied.
“Call her in,” Tasiin said. His mind skipped from one thought to another to another to another in a fraction of a second. He could barely focus on one thought long enough to say it. The seconds seemed to stretch to days as he waited for Datlai to come.
Finally, he found Datlai looking him in the eyes, almost kneeling before him.
“Datlai,” Tasiin said simply.
“Tasiin,” she replied with equal simplicity.
“It is time.”
Datlai only clasped his hands in her own.
“I am ready.” He began to close his eyes. Tasiin noticed Datlai also closed her eyes.
A sudden pain pierced his body and mind as the first injection entered his body. As the endless seconds drifted by, however, his mind quieted. Although his mind still jumped from thought to thought, each one became progressively duller. Eventually he simply faded out. He did not even know when he ceased to be Bound.
*****
When he became conscious again, it took him a small fraction of a second, a long time to him, to realize he was Unbound.
The ship’s life support systems were largely reflex to Tasiin. Much like the breathing of his Kushan body, life support was automatic. Only a few microseconds were needed for Tasiin to realize this, and he shifted his attention elsewhere.
This prompted him to become aware of the ship computer’s processing power. He had, unconsciously, delegated many of his thoughts to the computer. Although his former body served as the core of his mind, he could use the computer to make calculations, test predictions, and process input. The pace of mind that seemed torturous in his Bound life seemed leisurely in his Unbound life.
The Beastslayer’s trans-hyperdrive was most satisfying to control, most delightful to discover. For years, he had calculated and studied the physics of hyperspace. He had calculated the entry waveforms, but now he could create them at will. He could, with the computer at his disposal, imagine the layers of hyperspace with perfect clarity. The symmetries of quantum wavefunctions danced around him.
Hyperspace sings to the Unbound.
The voice had startled him. It was surprising in that he interpreted the words as sound and not as the pure sensations of the other ship systems. Instantly, though, Tasiin knew the Bentusi had opened communications with the Beastslayer.
We welcome you among the Unbound. It is something we have done only once before to one of your people, the Bentusi said.
Tasiin did nothing, save what his unconscious did in controlling the ship. He did manage to hear what sounded like whispering.
I can hear your thoughts, he finally said.
Yes, the Bentusi replied. Listen more deeply.
He focused on what seemed to be silence. At first, he could only hear the Bentusi. Then, Tasiin was aware of extremely faint sounds - Bound minds. Tasiin knew the Bentusi were referring to something else.
Finally he heard it. It was not quiet, but it was subtle. Tasiin had tuned it out, but now he could discern it. It was full of hate, malevolence. It was not near him, not from where he was, but from somewhere else. Not Bound, nor Unbound, but something other, something older.
I hear Outside.
The Bentusi said, Nearly all Unbound ones must listen to Outside. Your kind’s Sjet persona was blessed in being deaf to Outside, yet still being Unbound. We, however, have had to ignore it for countless orbits, although we have always known there was somewhere else. Until the Devourer came, we did not pay attention to it. Now, though, Outside must be listened to. Until now, we had no hope of defeating it.
I am not sure I can defeat Outside. It is strong- Tasiin protested.
We know you are stronger than you believe. Perhaps stronger than you will know. Find your strengths. Find Outside’s weaknesses. Defeat Outside so it can release no new Devourers, destroy no more memory, end no more songs.
*****
Datlai waited in the chair behind the trans-hyperdrive control, alone on the now automatic bridge. She knew this would be where Tasiin would have sat. Datlai did not feel joy, loneliness, or loss at Tasiin’s transformation. She simply felt empty.
“Emptiness is loneliness, except you do not even have yourself,” Datlai whispered.
“Musing?”
“Tasiin.”
“Yes,” he replied through the ship’s intercom system. Tasiin seemed distant, but more powerful. He was like the Bentusi, someone who was concerned about her, but there was no warmth. “I…became aware a few seconds ago. It seems like so long ago.”
Datlai formed the pretense of a smile for Tasiin’s being Unbound. However, she could not keep sadness from creeping on her face. Both loss and emptiness pulled on her.
“Being Unbound was necessary for me.”
“I know,” Datlai said. She held back the sadness she was starting to succumb to. She could not help closing her eyes.
“Open your eyes,” Tasiin said. This time he was not distant.
Datlai opened her eyes and found a holographic projection of Tasiin standing at the front of the bridge, under the viewscreen. She got up, approaching him. Datlai could not help noticing the real Tasiin, sitting apparently unconscious in the captain’s chair. Still looking at the holographic projection, she gently touched the real Tasiin, his former Bound self. Tasiin’s projection showed the hint of a smile and neared Datlai.
“Datlai. I know what it is like to be lonely. I was in a self-imposed isolation for so long. But you led me…Had I been Unbound and wanted to be alone, I would have doomed the Universe. Despite what all of the others tried to do, it was not them realize I was torturing myself. You…”
“Tasiin…I could not watch you turn on yourself,” Datlai replied. “…Is this uncomfortable?”
“No. It is…you are only more real to me. Not only do I feel your touch, with the ship I can sense your warmth, watch you from any angle, sense the air currents from your breathing, feel your feet on the floor. I can not even describe it…” Tasiin said.
“I had thought you were so distant, but being Unbound has only made you more of a friend,” Datlai said.
“No…I am not only your friend. I realize that…I love you.”
“I love you,” Datlai replied. “Do the Bentusi ever fall in love?”
“They have companionship and friendship, but they haven’t had love like we have since they became Unbound,” Tasiin said.
“The poor people.” She looked at Tasiin’s projection and smiled genuinely. “The poor Bentusi.”
“Datlai.”
“Tasiin.”
“Do you see the star which I have blinking on the viewscreen?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“We missed it last night.”
Datlai smiled. “And so what is the story behind that star?”
Tasiin smiled also.
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